Well to say its been a while since I’ve been on my blog is a major understatement! I’d say that this is a MUCH needed blog. haha okay, so where to start? I thought about so much on my drive back to school today. Speaking of school it’s good, I guess. Just sooo stressful. I blame that for changing my personality lately. I just haven’t been me.

I guess I should warn you that this will be a LONG blog. There’s really only 2 main things that I need to get off my chest. I’ll divide it between NASCAR and just life stuff.

NASCAR

How much would it surprise you to hear that I’m getting tired of NASCAR? It’s really not the same that it used to be. I can not stress how sick and tired I am of all the complaining in NASCAR. It’s fans (yes, I complain too), drivers, teams, owners, announcers, EVERYONE! No matter what they do, no one is happy. Whether its about the car, a driver, a team, it doesn’t matter, there’s something wrong with it. And in my opinion, NASCAR on Twitter is getting a little outrageous. I used to love tweeting about everything NASCAR but I just cant take it anymore. I can’t explain one little thing that annoys me with it, it’s just everything.

I know that not everyone likes every single driver. We all know I dislike a couple. :] But they crap being said about Brad Keselowski is finally getting to me. I mean really, how can you say that he deserved a wreck like he was in today? (Watch video here) Like I’ve said a million times before, I can admit when my driver does something wrong and I have before. With that said, Brad did NOT intentionally wreck Carl at the beginning of the race, why would he? I don’t believe that he just decides that he’s going to wreck someone that day. What I do think is that he just doesn’t move his car. If he’s in his own line on the racetrack and you want where he is or are where he wants to be, he ain’t gonna move. Plain and simple. I think it’s neat when people retaliate on the racetrack, but its much cooler at the end of the race or under caution. It is incredibly stupid to involve other drivers in your own little heated moment. Now in this case, that didn’t happen. But still it was incredibly stupid to wreck him like that! That was a scary wreck. Yes, just as scary as Carl’s own wreck at Talladega. Funny how both wrecks were Carl’s fault. If you don’t remember, Brad was pushing Carl for the win at Dega and when he got a run, he decided to pass. Well Carl decided to block (which ANY driver would do), Brad just didn’t move his car and Carl wrecked himself.

I’ve never liked Carl. In my opinion he’s always been fake. And he just proved how incredibly stupid he is when he tried to fight Kevin Harvick and faked a punch at Matt Kenseth. I think that Brad should have gotten a couple penalties and put on probation last year (yes, I said it!) so I hope that they park Carl for a couple races. HE’S complained about how people race and stupid things that they’ve done. So now that the tables are turned he’d better get what he wanted everyone else to get.

LIFE

Oh where to start. Well I’m not going to talk about everything. Okay so to kinda sum it up, about 2 years ago my mom and step-dad started going to church again. When they wanted to go before, my mom made me go. Which I was totally uncomfortable with. I’ve never really understood anything about the bible or God and it just angered me that she was pushing it in my life so hard without asking my opinion. Then when they started going again, I didn’t go with them and my mom didn’t push it because I worked every Sunday morning. Well my mom started to try and push me into going again and again it made me mad. She was playing the “it hurts me” game which just made it worse. Well last Mothers I decided to go, just to make her happy. And then I went again the next week on her birthday. It’s crazy how happy it made her just to have me sitting next to her in the pew. So just because it made her happy I decided to keep going. And soon enough, I was making friends and actually wanting to go just to see people. I was still confused and didn’t really listen to anything the Pastor was saying.

Since they have been active members of this church, my mom has changed soooo much. She’s back to her old-fashioned ways. And I can’t even say some things to her anymore without her freaking out. I mean I don’t swear in front of her or disrespect her in any way. Even my brother has changed and I don’t like it. They freak out at the littlest things I say. If I make a little hint about judging someone, oh boy you’d better look out. I mean, I’m compassionate to people but everyone judges other people. It’s just human  nature.

So today was communion. And my mom asked me if I wanted to do it and I said no, which she was okay with. I can’t even believe she asked me though. I don’t know what it means and I don’t believe the same things she does. At one point I had to go to the restroom and when I did, Sam (one of the members that leads worship, who is also a friend) apparently said something about personal prayer with him for someone that was unsure of their relationship with Jesus. When I came back my mom told me and asked if I want to talk with him. I didn’t want to but said yes. So while church was still in service, we walked up to talk/pray with Sam. She stood there and cried which made me cry but I was embarrassed anyways so I was crying.

Sam wanted to know where I was at in my “relationship” with Jesus. So he said to compare my salvation to a million dollars and asked if God was holding a million dollars in his hand and asked me to take it, would I? I wanted sooo bad to say no but I couldn’t so I just said that I didn’t know. He asked me a couple more questions and then prayed to help me find my way. After the service, he came up to me and tried to explain a little more to me and told me that if I had any questions to just ask. Yeah, okay.

I mean I like Sam and it was a really nice gesture. I just don’t believe that I’m ready for all of this. I don’t think that I even believe in God. I was taught in school basically that God didn’t exist. I’m just so confused about it all because I don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to my mom about this and I’m not just going to spill my heart out to Sam. I think it’s easier to type it because I always tell myself that no one really reads my blog anyways. Because of how I’ve seen my mom and brother change, I’m not ready to just dive into this and change also. I don’t want to change. I’m at a good point in my life and I’m happy with who I am. I have no regrets and I want to keep it like that.

I’ve just never been so confused about something before in my life.